I went to my PM doctor (that is pain management for all of you non-chronic pain sufferers) for a check up and my monthly piss test for refills. Still not an addict or rich from selling pills. Still having the life sucked out of me from my pelvis!!! While getting my vitals the nurse says to me- “You don’t look like you weigh that much!” WOW! REALLY?!!! That is something you said? Like, OUTLOUD? Surprised a bit by this statement I said, “Thanks, I think.”……..”I guess I just carry it well???” To which she responds, “You must be big boned.” Ummmmm- Is that a clinical diagnosis that I can get in writing? I can carry it with me when I have to hunt down an XL or when I go to the beach. LOOK! I CAN WEAR THIS BECAUSE I AM BIG BONED! I have a note from the doctor and everything! Look, I get that you are a thin person and probably don’t have the foggiest idea of what it feels like to step on a scale and have someone standing behind you. If I said- “You look so PRETTY in this picture! You must just photograph well!” I am certain that would leave you wondering if I meant you look hideous in person. If you are someone that is NOT comfortable with the varied appearance of the human body, perhaps you should NOT be in the medical field. I don’t need you to reassure me that I am not actually Jabba-the-hut. Maybe no comment should be the policy here.
I really do not have a thin skin. When the same nurse asked me if I was trying to lose weight, I did not flip shit. She continued to say I was down 6 pounds from last month. Curious, I did not notice. Nice to know! The reality of the situation is something she should be familiar with: Pain = NO EXERCISE! I have not been able to move without pain for years. Pain Management, ALLOWS ME TO MANAGE THE PAIN. Which means, I am more able to exercise. Which means I probably am going to lose weight! (some, anyway!)
Most of the time I think I am just like any woman. I think we all have some insecure feelings about our bodies, no matter what our shape. That I am fine with. Feeling like I can work at something to make me feel better-look better. What I am not fine with is thinking I am some sort of freak show because a nurse says…”You’re not fat, You’re just big boned. “
You know what you can do with that big bone sista?!