Tuesdy might suck

I am exhausted today! I managed to run my silly ass 2 miles. I am so stoked I got that far and did not die! Though I keep feeling like I can't stop eating. I am not sure how the hell it will help me to loose weight when I only run two miles but chow non stop! I keep arguing with the hubs. We really do argue about how to spend money A LOT...It is annoying. I take care of the bills and I am aware of what we need to pay for and that we need to get out of debt. Which is why I want to PLAN - but he just wants to say NO! we don't need that.... I don't respond very well to that. And the arguments begin! We are crazy close to separating our finances completely- FUUUCCCCKKKK I am going to get a damn snack!!!

Off to the Races

The title reminds me of when I was growing up in nowhereville and kids used to "go to the races" on the weekend. I mean, is this an actual race track or someone's back yard dirt bike track?

I am not referencing a physical race, but a mental one. I seem to have an issue dashing off to the next issue rather than enjoying anything. If I am at work, my brain is focusing on problems at home- when I am at home, my brain is racing back to work. It is almost as if I miss the joy of the moment entirely because I am concerned about getting to or creating the next moment. It is causing me to miss so much and frankly it is becoming exhausting. If I were a triathlete (hahahahahahahahha) I would liken it to biking through the water. Being so obsessed with accomplishing the task at hand as well as preparing for the next, I am drowning and getting nowhere. Fuck, that is really depressing. I seriously need to work on that....but while I am working on that, I have to plan my anniversary weekend......see what I mean?

It's not me...is it?

Sometimes I get on this kick. When I think if I throw my shit up on a blog, it will act as therapy. At the very least someone will call me out on my own self-deluding bullshit. So here we go again. Try number 8 to get an active blog running about life. Maybe my life or the life I want to lead or maybe the life I want you to think I lead. Regardless, I hope to sprinkle some humor onto some words and maybe into your life.

Enjoy-or don't!

Deep thoughts of a thirty something.

I once told my stepmom that I thought people who had children not of their own DNA could love that child the same way the could their "own" As I have gotten older, I had to reassess that idea. I think it was just her that could not give me the same love that she did her birth children. Looking back it seemed to be a struggle for the approval or the backing of my father. How sad is that? On his own, my father could not make any decisions on his own. Not that he was not capable, he was not allowed to. More importantly, he could NEVER voice a dissenting opinion. I think once he tried to back me up when I was graduating. She threw him out of the house. He still gets that thrown in his face.

I often worry if I am turning into my mother. As horrifying as that idea was to me when I was a teenager, it is even more so now.